Legal Notice
If you are reading this you are either a very, very sad person, or you have way too much time on your hands. We’ll assume the latter. This is the part of our website that nobody ever reads. So, rather than ask some poor soul to waste good billable time writing whatever it is that would normally go here, I’ve decided to try doing some actual work for a change and write it myself. Yes, I’m regretting it already.
So, hmmm, here goes: The information contained herein is provided in good faith. That’s a good start. I like the word ‘herein’, it has a nice ring to it. I bet Jane Austen used that word. I mention her because my wife and daughters love the books. And the movies. And the TV series. All of them. That includes repeats. And DVDs. With and without the director’s commentaries. Truth be told I’ve got Jane Austen coming out of me bloomin’ ears. Can I please watch Star Wars? Sure, when I’m dead I can watch Star Wars...
Anyway, where was I? Ah yes: herein. Herein. Nice word. Not like ‘henceforth’. I don’t like henceforth, at all. It has this stuck-up feel to it, don’t you think? I’m sure the old bat kept using it too, let me see... Google, Google... Jane Austen, henceforth... ”it became henceforth her prime object of interest [Emma]” Ha, I knew it! OK back to the disclaimer: the information on this website, blah blah blah, if anything’s missing or incorrect, blah di blah, and anyone intending to make use of this information etc. etc. Anyway what do you think? This is a website, and we use it to sell you stuff, so it’s bound to be a good story isn’t it? If you believe all the things you read on websites then please do send us your bank details so we can wire you $100 million in unused government funds, we need it to move out of the country.
Moving on; we’ve done our best to make this website mildly informative, trying to give you a flavour of what we’re doing without revealing too much to our competitors. Whom, incidentally, I am reliably informed are in fact evil blood-sucking monsters from planet Zorg in disguise. Beware, don’t buy from them if you value your life, buy from us instead. Not only we’re a bit cheaper than them but our stuff is really, really good. And you can rely on us to tell you the truth, most of the truth, and nothing but the embellished truth. Yes, sometimes we mess things up; it happens to the best of us. But we don’t put that on our website, do we? No, we get down to it, fix what doesn’t work, and just try to get it right more often than we get it wrong. Our customers seem happy with us. By the way guys: thanks a bunch for your support all these years. It’s not always been easy but we wouldn’t be where we are without you. Thanks again, really, and keep those maintenance contracts renewed.
That's the legal stuff sorted. I think I did pretty well.
Finally, please remember that all the content of this highly colourful website – too colourful perhaps? Sometimes I wonder what kind of mushrooms our graphics designer puts in his protein shakes – is our property. It’s copyrighted and all. So don’t you copy it, ever. Should you fail to heed this warning, a leather-winged demon of the night will soar from the deep malevolent caverns of the white peak into the shadowy moonlit sky and, with a thirst for blood on its salivating fangs, search the very threads of time for the throbbing of your heartbeat.
We thought you'd want to know that.
A tribute to The Derbyshire Guide.